Forced Snitching? May a Rebbe or Teacher Force a Child/Student to Tattle?

May, 2023

Snitches and Stiches

Halachos for Students and their Teachers

   

I have the zechus to teach and to have taught in a wide variety of schools and yeshivos. Every institution has its own oeuvre, its own flavor.

     Just one example: a few years ago, I joined TAG High School of the Five Towns on their yearly Shabbaton. They rented out Camp Romimu, and my task was to deliver engaging shiurim throughout the Shabbos.

     As we neared the end of Shabbos, the 12^th grade had the opprutinty to take part in what is always a fun and informative session: ‘Q&A With Rabbi Taub’. With exceptions of matters that touch on tznius and the like, they can ask anything about Yiddeshkeit. Informal and informative, I always recommend one of these sessions when I am a guest somewhere.

    I’ve done these so many times, I can almost always guess the questions I will be asked, i.e., What is the real story with Maharal and the Golem (we have a true mesorah he created one, but the tale most know was invented about ninety years ago. See Artscroll’s introduction to their retelling)? Is it true that chazal believed in a half man/half fish (see Rashi to Bechoros 8)? Where in the body does the neshama sit (complex-some say it takes the form of the body itself. This would explain stories of the dead speaking to the living, and appearing in the form they once were)? I heard that years ago people were not as strict regarding bugs in produce (the removal of DDT since the late 1960’s has brought a huge return of infestation). The list goes on.

        But that Shabbos was different.

     “If I ate before dinner and then washed, should I say a beracha achronah during the meal, or should I have it mind with bentching? May one wash neggel vasser in a bathroom and make the beracha outside? If I daven maariv a few times, do I need to be mattir neder if I don’t wish to continue every night?

     I was positively shocked! I’ve yet to experience anything like it. Clearly this Beis Yaakov has an impressive heavy focus on orach chaim and halacha. After all, this is the one type of talmud Torah that girls are most certainly obligated in (see Divrei Yoel, y’d, 84 and Mishneh Berrura 187:9; see also Sanhedrin 94b).

     Another shock came a few months ago, at such an event at another school, when a teacher raised her hand with a question.

     A hush rushed over the students. “I have a question that has bothered me for some time: If a teacher knows that a student has information relating to the negative actions of another, can that teacher pressure this student to share the information with staff?”

     Before I get to my response, allow me to share a story.

    Some decades ago, Rav Yaakov Weinberg, the late rosh yeshiva of Ner Yisroel, was invited by his son who was serving as a rav, to give a talk at the local JCC. The talk was subtitled, “The Man Who Can Answer Any Question”. Essentially, it was a Q and A with a gadol b’yisroel.

      The room was packed with Jews from all backgrounds. After his son gave an appropriate introduction, the first question was asked, and it was profound.

     All were silent and anxiously awaiting the response, as Rav Weinberg stepped up to the microphone to reply to this very first question of the evening.

   “What will the ‘man who can answer anything’ say?” they all surely wondered.

     Now close to the microphone, Rav Weinberg leaned in and said, “I don’t know”.

      I always loved this story. Rav Akiva Eiger famously catalogued the dozens of times Rashi uttered that same and critical phrase ‘I don’t know’.

     I mention this story for two reasons. First, the goal of the Q&A’s I’ve hosted was never to impress upon a group that I can answer anything -often the audience knows far more than I! -rather it simply creates an envirement for Torah discussion. Secondly, I mention this story because that is exactly how I answered the teacher: “Good and important question. I don’t know”!

     I told her afterward that I believed Rav Moshe discusses this, but I couldn’t recall what he said. Besides, perhaps this wasn’t the venue for this discussion, as the menahel should set the policy, and the students may take advantage of the answer.

     Here is what Rav Moshe wrote (Ig”m, y’d, 2:103) to a chashuvah rebbe at Eitz Chaim Toronto, Rav Yisroel Yitzchik Cohen, in 1967:

    “Relating to the matter of a teacher saying to students that if they know who committed a certain negative act they should inform the teacher/school -this is a disgusting thing (mechuar hadavar), as it will cuase a weakinig (in the eye’s of the syudents) to lashon harah…”. He goes on to share that although one may speak about the negative actions of the other when certain conditions are met, it doesn’t apply when such speech is decreed upon a student by an authority figure. So, while one should share with a rebbe when they are concerned for the ruchniyos of a classmate, as a general rule this mustn’t be compelled.

   In 1981 (ibid. y’d 4:30) he defends this position when challenged that perhaps this will instill fear in the students not to misbehave, as well as other arguments. Rav Moshe explains that while all this is well and good, we still must not allow one aveira even if it will lead to a benefit. Only when compels oneself to help out someone’s ruchniyos is such matter allowed.

      I shared with the teacher that no matter of one follows this view, or that of another posek, there is a valuable lesson for teachers.

     The Chofetz Chaim rules (1:8;3) that the prohibition of lashon harah applies when talking about children when it could cause them pain. Our talmidim and talmidos are not lab-rats to test theories and new methods on. All mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro apply to them, whether it’s bushah or misayaeh l’devar aveira. Unless a part of our mesorah and/or well-thought-through, treating children or students in a way different than adults is not just wrong but can lead to great pain that they are unable to process. Rav Yaakov Kamanetzky would often speak of the rebbe who didn’t believe his cries of innocence and punished him anyway. It was a pain he carried throughout his great life.

    In Artscroll’s Sefer Chofetz Chaim, they share the following:

The fact that words can build or destroy is especially true regarding children. Rav Pam would tell of the time a father of one of his talmidim came to inquire about his son’s progress. Rav Pam was truthful, as the halachah requires. He said that the boy was learning, but was not meet­ing his potential. 

   The father said, “Really? I’m going to call him over right now!”

Rav Pam’s heart sank, because it sounded as if the father was going to give his son a real tongue-lashing.

The boy came over and the father said to him, “Your rebbi said that you are doing nicely, and it needs to be just a bit better. So let’s see that ‘little bit extra’ and then you’ll really be terrific!”

The boy beamed with pleasure. His learning improved and he went on to become a respected talmid chacham and teacher of Torah.

Ever since I began teaching in high schools I have learnt that today’s students are easy to be koneh if we only show them love and care and gtreat them as we would like to be treated.