Havdala Hacks

Often Missed or Unknown Halachos & Facts of Havdala

   Hair, Height, & Husbands

  May, 2023

As the school year comes to its close, and my 12^th grade halacha class gets closer to the bitter-sweet melancholy of graduation, I end the year -as always- with hilchos havdala.

   I perennially privately personally promise that ‘next’ year I will strive to save more for time for this important subject, as it seems to be studied too rarely -if at all- in comparison to its common occurance (between fifty and sixty times per year!). Due to this, certain elements can often be misunderstood, leading to a potential susceptibility to halachic hitches.

1. Sundry Havdala Facts
2. Some say that havdala is a Torah obligation (Rambam, hil. shabbos, 29:1), while others posit that although an ancient mitzvah, it’s rabbinic.
3. The minhag is to add introductory pesukim – starting with ‘henay kel yeshuasi’ – is for a siman tov for the upcoming week (Rema). Seemingly, just as we begin the year with positive simanim, we similarly accustom ourselves before the start of each new week (see more’simanim’ below).
4.  Most add these opening verses only by a havdala for Shabbos, and when recited on motzai Shabbos tov (as for the reason behind this distinction, see Mateh Efraim 601:10; cf. Pri Megadim and others urge its recital on all occasions).
5. On a routine motzai Shabbos, the order of havdala and its berachos should always be: yayin/wine, besamim, ner, havdala. The Shulchan Aruch gives us a simple mnemonic: the first letters of the above, in order, spells ‘Yibaneh’!
6. The reason for this order is tied to the classic notion that our separation from the kodeish of Shabbos to the chol/mundane of our material workweek demands an interchange with all of our physical senses: touch (the cup), taste (the wine), smell (besamim), hearing (hearing the berachos –an obligation even on the one making havdala), and sight (the ner).

     With this in mind, we can better understand the explanation of the order from the Tashbeitz (d. 1444, as brought in the Kaf HaChaim [d. 1939] siman 296:3):

   These berachos are performed in ascending order of their dominance. Taste is first, as it can only be accomplished with direct physical contact/consumption. Smell comes next, as one can enjoy this sense even at a distance, however, physical closeness of some kind would still be required. Sight follows, as one can achieve this ability even at a greater distance than smell, allowing one to gaze at the stars above. (Interestingly, sight is accomplished through light travel-which is on what this beracha is being made!)

      Finally, we arrive at the blessing for havdala itself, which is a focus on human intellect. Not only can this tool be adept at he,ping us understand things that may be at a distance of space, but it can also explore matters through the expanse of time!

• If one mixes up the order by accident, they still fulfill the mtzvah.
• While women are obligated even in the time-bound positive mitzvos of Shabbos, there is debate if havdala is the last act of Shabbos -making women equally obligated -or the first act of the week -making them exempt (see 296:8 with Biur Halacha, et al.)

1. Spilling Secrets

        An allusion for this being a time for ‘segulos’ is found in the Tur (d. 1340) who writes (quoting Pirkei D’Rav Elazer, ch. 20): “Anyone who makes or hears havdala is called kodosh, and they are made a segulah, fulfilling the verse (shmos 19:5)”.

       The Rema shares the minhag of spilling over the cup. However, he writes that it is to go onto the floor! He says that this is another of our simanei tov to start the week, as chazal (eiruvin 65a; cf. Tehillim 23:5) share that a house with spilled wine is a sign of beracha. The Mateh Moshe shares that we pour onto the floor so as the give the bnei Korach something to drink during their brief reprive (see Otzar Yedios HaTorah, korach)!

      There is a multitude of segulos and minhagim at this time, such as smelling the put-out wax candle; pouring out the wine and then putting out the candle in it; taking from that wine and placing on one’s eyes, pockets, and, verses to be said at that time; other pesukim to recite after havdala; drinking water after havdala; having something warm to drink, etc. etc. etc. Alas, these will have to wait for another time.

1.  Beards & Height

However, I have yet to find a source for the idea that if women drink from havdala they will grow a beard (although, chazal do share that certain alcoholic beverages in general can cause anyone to grow hair). Interestingly, Rav Ari Zivotofsky researched this issue and found that other communities had other sayings about women who drink from havdala -from general kelalos to those effecting shidduchim.

      The reader has likely noticed that unlike all other kiddeishim, the mivareich does not pass out the leftover wine after havdala. Why is this, and, does it relate to women? Any number of reasons are offered for this oddity. For one, unlike kiddush, havdala will require a beracha achronah, and we therefore wish to assure that the mivoreich wont be in a situation -after having given some out -where he is unsure if he had the proper shiur (Mishneh Berrura). Others fear a hefsek when answering amein by those (women) who may not be obligated in this mitzvah (Rav Issur Zalman Meltzer). Specific to women, many suggest that no one drinks -especialy not them -as a stark reminder that they should not make havdala (see Piskei Teshovos, 296, note 77 -A rav should be consulted if there is no one but a woman to make havdala).

     This all begs the question: why do we dissuade women from making havdala? Even considering what I explained above (that they may not be obligated), ashkanazim generally allow women to make berachos on mitzvos they are otherwise not compelled tp peform (e.g. lulav)?!

      The Shlah HaKodosh posits that this concern is due to the eitz hadaas being gefen (see berachos 40a). This being the fruit that caused future separations between a husband and wife (as well as the initial separation in gan eden), all women avoid this mitzvah/drink (motzai Shabbos ois 22).

      Some expand on this, explaining that the thirty-nine curses that the nachash brought are rectified by the thirty-nine melachos of Shabbos (Bigdei Yeshah). Others explain this based on the custom among some women who extend Shabbos a little more than men by avoiding certain melachos for a certain period of time motzai Shabbos (As brought by the Magen Avraham to 299:15in the name of the Avudahram -Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld, Kovetz Halachos, Shabbos, 1:p.727).

      Perhaps, being so mysterious, many warnings and anecdotes were created over time.

     But what about the height of the candle being a segulah for the height of one’s husband?

     Here would be the time I reveal something I doscvovered or an interesting theory…sadly, this time, I have nothing!

      However, perhaps and simply, since this is the one mitzvah that women rely on their husbands for more so than others (due to all of the above), and, because the beracha on the ner -according to many – is birchas hanehnin (pleasure as opposed to others who say it is praise), and, beacuse it is best utilize this light to glance at specific parts (like one’s nails and the lines on one’s hands) it is best to be close to the flame. A young lady must practice being sure that she is not holding it at just her height, lest her future husband won’t be able to get close enough! “Hold it so that your future husband can be near!”

      We have touched upon but a fraction of this important mitzvah and its many secrets.

     May the gloomy feeling of Shabbos’ close be warmed by the arrival of the yom sh’kulo Shabbos!